My date with Plato

As I alluded to in my introduction, I tend to like Asian guys or “Gaysians” as they are lovingly referred to in the gay world. I am attracted to a particular set of physical traits that are very common among Asians: dark hair and….what’s the correct way to say this…. minimal body hair. I guess that makes me a Rice Queen…..Us gays are full of usefully terms like that…straight people, try to keep up.

Most of the dates I’ll be talking about were set online; this is my first with the particular site mentioned in the introduction. I’m new to online dating and there are parts of it that I’m still learning how to navigate. I like having small talk to fall back on during a first date. Online dating can make this more difficult. Profiles give away so much information up front it kills many of the questions that for me, fuel first date conversation. Beyond that, there is always chatting via emails or instant messages before the first meeting. Some guys take this to the extreme, a week or more of online chatting is too much! It’s like the first date actually takes place digitally, if you make the cut and reach an actual first date the pressure is heightened. My Plato date is the perfect example of this.

I talked with this guy (let’s call him Plato) online for about two weeks before meeting him in person. We emailed back and forth, asking questions and sharing information. On paper, well in email I guess the better way to put it, he was great. He was a few years older than me, which I love; he recently finished his residency and started a fellowship at a NYC hospital…a Doctor…I hit the jackpot right!? The point is, we seemed to get along well and I was excited to meet him in person.

We finally met at a fancy but intimate lounge bar on a Friday evening after work. Because he was so good on paper I was actually nervous about this one….I’m never nervous. We drank and had good conversation. We drank some more and had better conversation. I noticed about an hour and 1.5 drinks into the date that even through our conversation was great, there was no flirting. Even I wasn’t flirting, not that I’m a flirt but yeah, I’m a flirt. We finished our third drink and quickly entered that awkward waiting for the bill period when both people are deciding if they want to extend the date or just cut ties and “get out while you still can”. Thankfully, he suggested getting some dinner which was a welcomed thought after three strong drinks on an empty stomach.

Dinner was more of the same: good conversation over good food, perfect right? I sat there slowly realizing that everything about this guy screamed good, better, great! BUT there was just no attraction… at all. It could have been a dinner with my brother. This is why I call it a date with Plato. Everything went well but it was somehow missing any sort of spark and it was nothing more than entirely Platonic. At the end of the date we parted ways on the street walking to separate subway stops. As we said goodbye, I gestured for a Hug by politely opening my arms and leaning toward him….my gesture was stopped short when he extended one hand for a handshake. As it turns out my Plato date viewed me as a Plato too.

Coming out of this date I realized one flaw with this online dating structure. I, like many people, decided to go online for a few key reasons. Topping the list was saving time and easy access to a lot of guys. Having all our initial interaction on-line hid the fact that my date was a Plato. In person, it was clear very quickly. Because we kept all of our interaction online for weeks, I spent much more time on Plato than I would have otherwise. In the end, I could argue that in this case meeting someone online actually took more time and energy than doing it the old fashion way.